Revival

Revival road is the name of the chapter in the book I’m reading.

I’ve attempted to read this book three times over the last few years.

I wrote the date of each attempt on the first page inside the cover.

Last night I started it again

but this time I left the date blank.

Maybe I don’t want to remember my failures.

My favorite line in this chapter is:

“[…] I am leaning toward him, farther, farther.

Do I right myself? This is not an aesthetic choice.”

I’m really not sure why I didn’t scratch the month and day and year

next to the others

except that it felt right

at the time.

Just like my friends body sewed to mine.

It felt right

at the time.

Maybe next time I pick up the book

I’ll feel differently about it

about me

about my choices.

*

Revival is an album I love.

My favorite line off this album is:

“Well the night came undone like a party dress

and fell at her feet in a beautiful mess.”

Late last night I noticed a pattern of revival:

re-vive-all.

Some say I am too young to recognize the full strength

of what’s it’s like to live, die, and be reborn

but tell that to my heart

and the innards of my blood

scratching at my soul

because right now I am the process

of revival.